´¯`•. September 16, 2004

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Frustration – Faith – Feeling

It was ChristMess that started the whole thing for me.  December 2002.  My grandmother (who passed away November 2003) gave me an incredible present for ChristMess – a paper from the InterNet on the feasts of Leviticus.  I had just been introduced to the feasts while trying to figure out if ChristMess is Biblical or not (conclusion: worse than not – it’s heretical.)… but my Grandma knew that I had this *drive* to know the truth – and not just facts, facts supported by VERSES.  Her paper started the whole thing.

I can’t tell you how it progressed, although I blogged all of the way through the process.  It moved from the feasts to the rapture to the end times to prophecy in general to the news… and by spring of 2003, I had a *feeling*… an incredible, unfathomable URGENCY that was squeezing my heart.  I didn’t know what it meant, but I was seeing signs I’d never seen before, reading verses and chapters I’d glazed my way through before with a new interest… and when things started lining up, that urgency became mingled with excitement.

My learning began to broaden to include Biblical astronomy, Biblical numerology, archeology, politics, world history, empire study… and even now – I’m moving into Biblical mineralogy.  ((I have a keen interest in finding out how the 12 stone of the breastplate of the OT high priest correlate to the 12 stones mentioned as making up the walls of the New Jerusalem in Revelation.))  And while I know that learning isn’t everything, believing creates a HUGE hunger to learn more.  And the more you learn, the more what you believe is confirmed.  EVERYTHING points to the truth, every avenue leads to the same place – only coloring your perception of truth more magnificently than before.

But the feeling was what drove me the most that year.  I was certain that the reason that ‘squeeze’ was on my heart was because that was THE year.  I thought the urgency was because I wasn’t gonna have much time to share.  Rosh Hashanna was the feast, and the stars and the sun and the moon and the wars and the apostacy pointed to the end.  I was ready.

And nothing happened.

Nonnie scoffers said I would be suicidal after Rosh 2003… they obviously don’t know me.  But the truth of the matter is that I was taught a lot of things thru that.  Call it a fulfillment of Daniel 11:35:  And some of them of understanding shall fall, to try them, and to purge, and to make them white, even to the time of the end: because it is yet for a time appointed.  I believe that the Lord was showing me understanding and then allowing that *fall* in order to make me more what He wants me to be.  It was a blessing because I learned that I don’t have all of the answers.  Not that I ever claimed to, but people thought that after I declared “ROSH HASHANNAH” to the hills and was ‘disappointed’, that I’d give it up.  No man knows the day or the hour, it’ll come like a thief, she’ll get it out of her system.

But I don’t see it that way.  I wasn’t disappointed.  No man knows the day or the hour, but we’ve been GIVEN the feast days it will happen on.  What year, we don’t know.  Which day, we don’t know.  What hour, we don’t know.  But we were TOLD which feast – and that’s ALL I ever said.  So how can there be anything but anticipation?  Jeremiah shared my frustration with peole who prefer ignorance when he said (at least eight times):  Yea, the stork in the heaven knoweth her appointed times; and the turtle and the crane and the swallow observe the time of their coming; but my people know not the judgment of the LORD.  How do ye say, We are wise, and the law of the LORD is with us? Lo, certainly in vain made he it; the pen of the scribes is in vain.  The wise men are ashamed, they are dismayed and taken: lo, they have rejected.  Jeremiah 8:7-9  The birds and the turtles know when it’s their time to leave, but people don’t know – and they claim to be godly, but the Lord GAVE us the times in Leviticus and fools like this new paraphrase writer ignore it… Jeremiah was so frustrated he said that the scribes’ writings have been in vain.  They have rejected it.  I can’t be like that.  I won’t be like that.  I hold to the truth of the Word.

We’ve been blessed with another year.  ((This is the beginning of the Jewish New year, you know.))  2004 was a HUGE time of things I never imagined I would see.  The EU’s enlargement, the loss of power in the US, the storms, the heat, the rain… I was given time to finish my Proverbs 31.  I was given time to finish my Revelation!  In 2003 there was no talk of a treaty with a man of power – in 2004, there was.  In 2003 there was an empire rising, in 2004 there was an empire usurping global authority.  The roaring of the seas that I’d seen none of in 2003, have overwhelmed us in 2004.

To be honest, I’ve been kind of floundering the past week.  Wanna know why?  Because I don’t have that *feeling* this time.  The ‘squeeze’ – the urgency of 2003 hasn’t been here in 2004.  It just hasn’t.  And I wonder if it isn’t Satan sneering at me – wanting me to doubt.  Maybe he’s getting scared.  Maybe he’s turning up his volume to try to drown out the Spirit.  Maybe.

But my faith stands in the midst of everything.  I know that some Rosh Hashanna in my future, I’m going home.  Maybe I’ll be taken before this Friday evening at some point.  Maybe it will be next year at this time.  Maybe in two years.  I’ve never claimed a date, and I won’t ever claim a date.  But I have claimed a feast, and I’m ready.  Right now, I’m ready.  ((picture by RevelationIllustrated))

I feel a little silly admitting how ready I am, to be honest.  Rapture letters, our wills, my house cleaned, dishes done, laundry done, floors vacuumed, errands run, borrowed things returned, tasks completed…  And I know people think I’m crazy – but I want people to KNOW that I’m aware of what is coming, and that I had them in mind when the time came.  That I didn’t leave them high and dry.  I’m not as brave (aka crazy) as boldly declaring what is in my heart, but these things I can do.

The point of this?  To just kind of voice what I’m feeling right now.  I don’t do much of that around here, and it’s because… I don’t like talking about *me*.  News, prophecy, the Bible, current events, funny pictures, yes.  But not me.  But because of the fact that I’m so… hopeful, doubtful, excited, longing, anticipating, prayerful, nervous, and trying to be patient… I just needed to write.  ((shrugs))

Posted by annamatrix on September 16, 2004

https://annamatrix.wordpress.com/2004/09/16/4025/