————- November 5, 2014 ————-

fish-quilt
Good Evening.  I’ll be honest with you… for two weeks, I’ve had NO desire to write here.  None.  I scrape by at the end of the day, pulling something painstakingly from absolutely nowhere to stick here.  I hate it.  Not sure what’s going to happen, but this can’t continue.  I hate blogging, anymore.  That’s wrong on WAY too many levels.

Countdown to Monday.  Monday is Flood Day.  It feels very much like I’m just letting the waves batter the crap out of me as I near that shore.  Waiting to beach.  It’s not a way I’d recommend anyone live.  And it’s not just me – Brian feels the same way.  All of us do.

Fall Fail.  For most of my life, I have loved autumn.  The colors, the crunch of the leaves, the crisp air, the pumpkins and corn stalks.  This year?  I hate it.  Everything feels like a death scene… colors are just life bleeding out of nature.  There’s been no crisp… just wet, mushy, cold, crappy, MUD.  The pumpkins are rotting on the deck, the corn stalks are crawling with bugs and soggy messes.  It doesn’t feel brisk and invigorating, it feels dark and heavy and desolate and empty.

Oldies!  We did find an oldies channel on the radio, though.  It’s out of Allegan, which is… a long way away, but I can pick it up, because I’m on that end of town.  Man, have I missed my oldies…  GOOD oldies.   It’s sooooo nice.  But mostly we listen to video playlists, anymore.  Which sounds weird, but I can’t get music that I want – for example, they don’t have Evie on CD.  BUT… you can get mp4s of all of her songs on YouTube, and then just listen to them on the PC that way.  Same with Harvest – I used to love to listen to Harvest (my favorite is ‘Choose you this Day‘… go and listen to it.  It’s hauntingly beautiful.)  Harvest isn’t available.  AT ALL.  I’ve looked.  It’s expensive to try to find them.  BUT… you can get all their songs on YouTube.  So I get them all, create a playlist for the artist, and listen to that.  That has been helping, somewhat.

Daylight Savings.  There is a strong possibility that part of the vast issuefulness of life at present has to do with Daylight Savings.  EVERYONE hates it.  So if EVERYONE hates it, why can’t EVERYONE vote not to DO it, anymore?!?!  Makes no damn sense.  My kids are exhausted.  I’m up at 5am every morning for absolutely no reason.  HATE daylight savings.

Dem Demons.  Then there’s the whole thing I wrote about last night.  I have absolutely NO doubt that part of the heaviness of the past couple weeks was from that, too.  I’m too sensitive about that stuff… but now that it’s not just me – that it affect my kids, too?  I’m not just fighting back, I’m fighting back MAD.   With a hearty side helping of protectiveness.

Voting Day!  Not that I believe voting does ANYTHING (it doesn’t)… we went and voted.  Probably helped get Rick Snyder re-elected.  Definitely helped Amash get in there… although he’d better have learned a lesson on gloating, and straightened his character out.  He’s a good man, he just got a little too human for a while, there.  I can’t complain about how things came out.  Prop 2 didn’t pass… that was a relief.  And the really good news?  My phone will stop ringing, praise God.

Dadgum Dance.  I hate dance class.  There, I said it.  After eleven years of forcing something that doesn’t work to work?  I give up.  It’s a lovely idea – allowing your children to become comfortable with their bodies, gain flexibility, express themselves, and at the same time learn rhythm and timing.  But it requires way more than our present society has to give.   Which is pretty much sloppy slothfulness with no discipline or challenges.  I hate dance.

HaloooooweenYou know what else sucks about the fall?  Halloween.  The nasty, ugly, awful, deprived, evil, icky, and furthermore gross crap that happens to the world.  We use it as a project (and way to show off our project results… and get candy as a prize)… but the rest you can KEEP.  And every year it gets worse.  The billboards this year…????  Ew!

We’re Writing.  I go thru phases where I write.  A lot.  Just venting creative juices in the form of short stories… a lot of stuff.  I’ve always been a writer, even as a kid.  And now that Lydia has her own laptop?  She’s ALL about writing, too.  She has folders full of stories, too.  She lets her brothers give input and feedback on her stuff.  Very kewl.  Well, the other day, it occurred to me that we have an old desktop console set-up just setting, so I moved it in the boys room and hooked it up… and now Isaac (11) is writing, too.  He’s trying his hand at creating his own superhero stories.  He LOVES it.  And I can’t complain… it’s creativity, it improves spelling and grammar, it hones sentence structure… Ethan and Aaron desperately want to write, now, too.  Ethan writes sentences, but not stories.  Aaron writes his spelling words.  I’m tickled pink about it.

Spiritually Stalled.  I got NUTHIN’ for ya.  Sorry.  He isn’t letting me go forward with Corinthians, He isn’t letting me go forward with Enoch, I have no leading in any other direction… it’s probably because I brought darkness into my house.  I brought this on myself.  But it really bothers me.  Now I have to clean house, repent, back up, get right… make sure everything is acceptable and good again, and then wait.  It sucks.

Anyhooooo… There’s my little vent for the month.  It’s been pent up for a while.   This was probably therapeutic.  I don’t expect to notice, though.  It’s built for too long.  Frankly, it doesn’t matter.  Monday is coming, and either things will be better by then or they won’t.  So that’s that.

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