´¯`•. January 25, 2015

exodus-gods-and-kingsWe walked out of a movie tonight.
Give ya three guesses which movie it was.  ((grins))

Ah… ‘Exodus: Gods & Kings’.  It sounded like it might be an interesting watch.  I like to see what Hollywood comes up with where Biblical stories are concerned.  Oh, not the chrischun movies, like ‘God is Dead’… that crap is just BS.  I like the ones based on Biblical accounts, like ‘Noah’ and ‘The Ten Commandments’.  So this movie piqued my interest.

It was kind of amazing to me, though.  It went straight from the theatre to the cheapy place, do not pass ‘Go’, do not collect $200.  Never read any reviews of it – good or bad.  Never heard the chrischuns bad-mouth it, never… really heard anything at all.  It was like the movie never existed.  The only reason I remembered it was because He put it in front of me, this weekend.  And I thought, ‘Whoa!  That’s at the cheap theatre already?  What happened there!?  And we’d better go, if we want to see it before it’s gone!’

I’m sorry we did.

They couldn’t have slaughtered the story any worse if they tried.  We have Moses who doesn’t believe in anything.  After being told he’s a Hebrew, he doesn’t believe anything.  After the burning bush, he doesn’t believe in anything.  After standing before Pharoah (or should I say threatening Pharoah’s life by slicing his throat?)… he STILL doesn’t believe anything.  By the time we walked out, Moses was raising a Hebrew army to rise up against Pharoah (not in MY Bible!) and was still preaching self-reliance.

The killing of the Egyptian was justified in the movie.  Miriam denied her Hebrew roots and lived/claimed to be Egyptian and not related to Moses – something she NEVER did in the Bible.  Then they married Moses to Zipporah in a Hebrew ceremony (?!) – although in Scripture later Zipporah has to do an emergency circumcision on her son, because Moses’ faith was ‘bloody’… so her family was NOT Hebrew.  What is that?!

The burning bush?  God’s not in it.  No, it’s just a pretty little fire serving as backdrop to a ghost-child that tells Moses he might want to think about going back to Egypt.  He shows up again later, and seems obsessed with stacking pebbles.  Moses doesn’t believe in him.  Mostly because he’s got issues – a landslide on the mountain buried him and the whole ‘divine encounter’ takes place with just his face sticking out of the mud/rock.  ((So much for ‘Moses, take off your sandals, you are standing on holy ground!!))

When he shows up in Egypt, he takes a crap-ton of weapons, sneaks in at night alone to threaten Pharoah with a sword (what happened to ‘I am slow of speech and slow of tongue’ and needing Aaron’s help?).  Then he slinks off to ‘blend’ with the people, and hides in the crowd as Pharoah begins to hang Jewish families in a public display (instead of giving the people double the work, as scripture says).  So Moses raises an army and starts training the Hebrews to fight the Egyptians.  ((In WHAT time?  They’re slaves, hello!))

At this point, we walked out.  I’m sorry, but even at that point in the movie, Moses did not believe in or have a relationship (or even a viable encounter with!) Yehovah Elohim.  He was taking things into his own hands militarily, something NOT found in my Bible.  And I’d had enough.

I can’t tell you anything more about the movie than that.  It started at 6:05 and we left at 7:30, so I can tell you that not a thing in the first hour and twenty-five minutes matched up to scripture.  So I would not recommend the film to anyone, ever.  You want to see the true story?  Watch ‘The Ten Commandments’.  It’s far closer, had better acting, better filming, and better music.

Badly done, Hollywood.

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