_________ January 05, 2016 __________

The Swim Coach

SO glad Monday is over…!!!!!

Monday’s didn’t always used to be horrible.  In fact, three years ago, I absolutely *LOVED* Mondays, you should know.  It was also dance night, back then, except that dance was for Isaac, Ethan, and Lydia, they were all doing acro (gymnastic/dance), and we would all get in the car and drive down to Otsego [Ot-SEE-go] – no little jaunt – and then go to supper and to Meijer, where we’d pick up milk and whatever supplemental groceries we needed… and I always bought bakery cookies.  Every Monday.  *Sigh!*  Those were GOOD cookies.  Probably how I ended up 217 pounds, but still.  *Sigh!*  Those were good cookies.  And Mondays were something to look forward too.  It was SUCH a good night out, with the whole family…!

Not that Monday swim and dance and hanging with BFF *during* dance isn’t fun, but… I think I’m seriously addicted to my people.  My kids, my man…?  I just don’t *function* well when I have to be away from them.  As sweet as BFF is, I love my man and kids more, and I’m *HOME* with them.  Everything is better, everything is *complete* with them.  Things are wrong in my world without him/them, just that tiny bit that makes all the difference, apparently.  You think that’s pathetic, don’t you?  Other people go to work all day, go out at night, have groups they belong to… and they’re totally fine.  I go away for three and a half hours a week, and I suffer emotional collapses.

It’s probably going to be WORSE, now, too.  Because I’m to be gone on Tuesday nights, as well.  TAP dancing, of all things.  TAP dancing.  What kind of insane am I?!??  Miss Jen’s all like, “Oh, that’s so GREAT!” which is code for, ‘Damn it, another *OLD*, WHITE chick in my class.  Don’t those crackers know white chicks can’t dance?!’  (<< I feed people dialogue quite often, btw.)

And the kicker?  BFF’s not doing the paint workshop with me.  It’s on a weekday, and Grace has dance class every weeknight, you see.  So unless I find one on a weekend (which… okay, but…!) …  We’re postponing and doing one together, at a later date, when there’s a weekend canvas that we both like.  It’s okay, but I’m all delayed, and she’s getting me in class NOW!!!!  *EEEEK!!!!*

While we were gone to dance, last night, my guy took the boys and salted at Grandma’s.  It’s 16 degrees here, this morning.  Sunny and bright, but that thin blanket of white isn’t going anywhere, and it’s mostly ice underneath (from the ice storm, last week), so we’re VERY careful, getting from house to critters or car.  I talked my guy into going to great-grandma’s and laying an ENTIRE bag of salt down, from the house to the barns, because she insists on bringing food out to the stray cat horde twice a day, and she can barely walk, as it is.  One slip, and it’s over for her.  I worry.  So does my guy.  (And where are her FOUR kids… NOT taking care of her???)  At least it got done.  And he got to pick up their trash, too… so that’s good.  He goes on Tuesdays and gets their trash.  It’s good for us to check in with them, weekly, at least.

Backing up before dance last night, though… I need to tell you about last night’s swimming debacle.  (Because there’s *always* a debacle, you know this.)  It’s Monday, how could there NOT be a debacle, hello!?  Well, there was a lane.  I asked if I could use it, and Bridget [lifeguard] said she guessed so, but someone else was going to, too.  So opted to swim just on the other side of it.  And OUT comes swim coach dude.  Oh, UGH, not again.  But then?!?!?!   He hooks up a big ol’ boombox, and has MUSIC going!  (YAY!!!!)  I was so happy!  And I’m dragging my sad, sorry, out of shape from not swimming over the holidays self through the water, while he’s all BUTTERFLYING (What is it with men and butterflying?  It’s so arrogant.  Just saying.)

And I’m thinking as I’m swimming/drowning… maybe I shouldn’t snub this guy like the last guy.  Maybe I should just be nice – a tiny bit, mind you.  Not *inviting* nice, just… y’know… nice.  Ish.  Maybe.  Which I’d already blown, because he got in while I was in the middle, somewhere, and when I landed at his end, I righted myself, found myself face-to-face with a SWIM COACH, panicked, and said, “Homigosh!  So sorry!!!!” and swam away as fast I could, to my side of the pool (aka the safe side, away from him and his water bottle and his boom box).  Which is where I would henceforth take my breaks.  In peace.

And then a song from ‘The Holiday’ comes on his stereo!  It’s our favorite X-mess movie, E.V.E.R.   I’m at my end of the pool, and I’m getting ready to be possibly *GEEKING* (even though the song could be crappy, I don’t know it, really, but I KNOW it from the movie!!) and he surfaces and takes a break, staring at me as I’m trying to figure out if it really is the song I know… head cocked, funky look on my [now blushing] face… ESCAPE, Anna!!  Swim away, swim away!  So I stop at the other end, where I can hear it, and sure enough!  It’s ‘Jealousy’ (by the Killers, if I’m right)!  And he swims down, and I vowed to be nice (ish), so I say, “Do you know this song?”  And he says, “It’s a random playlist.”  Well… okay.  Don’t know what that means, but whatevs.  I tried to reach out and be friendly.  Ish.  End of trying.  Time to swim.

But the song’s still on when I get back (and he’s gone butterfly), so I can stop and listen.  Lydia’s heard it, now, and is geeking in Sign Language to me from the bleachers (so now the dude is back, watching me Sign at my daughter… :BLUSHING!!:  and the song is ALMOST DONE, so I muster my courage and *don’t* flee… and listen to the song.  He’s STILL. THERE.  Doesn’t he have swimming to do, r’something?!?!  So I sneak a peek to the left, and he’s staring at me.  (!!!!!!!!!)  So I [lamely] say, “I know this one, you see.”  And he doesn’t comment, but he’s still staring… I think.  Goggles are aimed at me, at any rate.  Weird dude, cut that out!!  And blessedly, the song ends, and I say, “Okay!  All done – time to go!” in my Uber-Happy Barbie voice and I splooshed the heck out of there.

And you know, it’s probably LAME that I have these whole encounter issues, but the fact of the matter is that I don’t *HAVE* encounters, not outside of my family and BFF.  And people just FR-eak me the heck out, mostly.  Especially when they’re all swimming n’ staring n’ shit.  Y’know?!  I mean, I’m chubby, but I’m not THAT skeery… I don’t think!!  And I really was trying to be nice – not *inviting* nice, but nice.  Ish.  And I swear, I just come off as Totally Fruity Barbie.

Tap dance class may be traumatic.  But let’s not talk about that until we have to.

Which will pretty much be tomorrow, after OUR FIRST CLASS!!!!

Okay, really going now.

Until TOMORROW…!!!

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