___________January 27, 2016__________

Crash & Crunch I

So yesterday was one of THOSE days.  Where things were bad – with the entire world.  First BFF texted me and said that she and her girl wouldn’t be at dance.  I messaged and asked if everything was okay.  She said, “No – please pray for us.”  So I was assuming that her mom had either passed away, or taken a really, really bad turn.

Then Lydia’s BFF texted her, and said that this weekend’s sleep-over is off – her grandma fell and hit her head this weekend, and died of related injuries.  I knew Sharon (the grandma) somewhat – we went to church together back when Brian and I were dating/first married.  We also got our first dog from her – Zeus.  He was a 115lb black lab who took *ME* for walks.  Zeus was not a good fit for our… newly married-hood, btw.  Just sayin’.  But anyhow, Sharon hasn’t been in good shape for something like 20 years.  So it looks like we’re going to have a visitation to go to, in the very near future.

These things always happen in threes, you know.  So I’m sitting home, wondering who’s going to die, next.  And it’s ‘semi-related threes’ – like three celebrities in a row (David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Grizzly Adams)… so apparently it’s “people related to friends of ours” this time.  BFF’s mom, Lydias’s BFF’s grandma… who else??  I’ll be watching the obituaries, the next two weeks, now.  ((insert HUGE sigh.))

Then BFF messaged later and said they would be at tap class, but late, so I wasn’t sure what was going on.  And it was snowing pretty steadily…

Tap class: I’m seriously NOT going to make tap a profession – just saying.  And I’m not sure you’re going to get to see the video of my doin’ the grandma posse.  At least the jokes are funny.  For example, Mz. Jen goes, “So we just ball-changed on the left, so where is our weight?” and someone calls out “In our butts!!”  Mz. Jen laughed, and said, “Y’know, it’s a totally different thing, teaching an adult class.  I tell you to go to the barre, and you all head across the street for drinks!”  So it’s funny, but just… not my scene.  BFF came in only 10 minutes late, and was in surprisingly good spirits.

Then the drive home.  You know what’s coming, if you read the subject line.  So the roads are just hideous – slippery as heck, snow making the visibility yuck-yuck-yuck… we’re all doing 45 on the expressway, even the plows aren’t keeping up.  I stop for milk, head east on the road that takes me home, and come to the 4-way at Division.  There are cars at every side of the intersection, so I’m stopping WAY ahead of time, to make sure there are no sliding issues.  I’m *STOPPED* at the corner, waiting my turn, and this 20-something dumb kid who thinks he’s invincible decides he doesn’t have to slow down early… not him!  And he’s sliding thru the intersection.  Slowing, yes, but not enough to keep from plowing directly… into… my driver’s side front bumper.  He shoves me off the road, into the snowbank.

Gee. Thanks.

So I’m not sure what to do.  (I do what every clueless wife does – I call my husband.)  Assure him I’m not hurt, the other guy isn’t hurt, the car isn’t leaking anything, I’m thinking I could drive it home with no problems, BUT… it’s ugly.  Very crunched up.  So Brian tells me to call the cops and get an accident report.  The kid does NOT want me to call, but I’m so not caring, since I watched him NOT stopping (then sliding) into my not-hurting-anyone-being-careful self.  Dude, really?  So I call the cops, explain it’s just for the accident report, and I pull off (behind the kid) and wait.  Meanwhile, he’s bored, so he gets OUT of his (parent’s?) van, calls his mom and dad, tells them I’m a pain in the you-knoweth-what, they tell him to shut up and stay there.  He just wants to go HOME.  Anyhow, he’s bored, so he starts ‘skating’ in the middle of the road on his tennis shoes.  Nine o’clock dark, middle of a snowstorm.  Idiot!! Because our hazards are on (and visibility is nil), people are being careful around us, or he’d’ve gotten thwacked, I swear it.  Why are boys so stupid?!

Anyhow, I was pretty peevish, and had all my paperwork ready for the copper, but I forgot that I was supposed to tell him I have a CPL and was armed.  I never DO this sort of thing – I didn’t remember!  But then I realized that it’d come up on his screen, and he’d probably think I was withholding information (oh, UGH!), so I was fretting the whole time about that.  Anyhow, he wrote up the report (the kid was ticketed for failure to have a brain in bad weather conditions, or something like that), and when the cop came back, I *HAD* to apologize and inform him, belatedly, that I was armed.  He was like, “Ho, shit, where is it?!?!”   (????  In my hand, I’m going to shoot you, and I’m just giving you advanced warning.  WTHeck?!!  It’s put away, I promise.  It was kind of funny in a very, ‘this is protocol, you shouldn’t know it better than me.’ kind of a way.)   All I can think is that he wasn’t expecting a blonde middle-aged chubby chick who was listening to Nat King Cole and had tap shoes on the passenger seat packing heat.  Okay… so maybe that *is* odd.  But cops see about everything, don’t you think?  Anyhow, I was downtown GR in a seedy area alone.  Hence, I carry to dance.

Brian’s not as upset as I thought he’d be.  He says there’s about $2K in damages, though.  But because it wasn’t my ticket, he’s hoping that’ll make a difference.  Dunno.  I have the accident ID# though, so in 24 hours, I can view the report on-line.  That could be fun.  🙂

So that was yesterday’s excitement.  Isn’t it amazing, how every single day it’s something else?  There is never any shortage of things to write about.

Until tomorrow…!

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