____________ April 05, 2016 ___________

The Great  Monday Adventure!

Well, it all started with ‘Ranger’s Apprentice’, the book series we’re all reading, right now.  It turns out that they’re out of order!  They go 1-4, then 7, then 5-6, and then 8-12.  So when I went for book five, Isaac said, “Don’t do that!!!”  Hadda go look it up on-line, and he was right.  Apparently the author skipped way ahead on himself, and went back to fill in that blank.  (?!)  But we didn’t HAVE book seven, and Isaac needed book nine, so in the texts to ma man that always happen eventually in the mornings (when I remember I have a cellphone and that Brian’s probably exasperated that I haven’t said ‘good morning’ on it, yet), I told him I had to run to A Specific Library (ASL).  He’s all, well, while you’re out…  ((!!))

Remember two weekends ago when the car broke down at the movies and he fixed it?  It was loose battery connections, because apparently the auto shop hadn’t tightened them down after doing the repairs to my car.  At the same time, Brian looked over the work they did, and they were missing several screws to hold the front piece (what used to be a bumper, but now is like the whole front of the vehicle) on.  He turned sharper than I ever do, and the front piece was scraping on the wheel.  So I was supposed to go take it back and have them put the screws in (and check the A/C – he thinks it’s out from the accident), but I haven’t.  So he wanted it done, yesterday.  Except the auto shop is inthe exact opposite direction of ASL.  Yes, yes, I know it’s not that far (neither is ASL), but that’s not the point – I do like errands in like areas, I don’t fly around stupidly like that!  But he was insistent, so…

I went to the fix-it shop.  Of all the places in West Michigan, I think I loathe the town it’s in the most.  If our town (which isn’t this sucky town) is the armpit of the Mitten, then sucky town is the stanky, fungus-ridden spot between two redneck toes.  That thinks that it’s awesome when it really sucks.  It’s seriously NOT my happy place.  “Oh, and while you’re there, hit the ATM for me.  If we have to go swimming tonight, we’ll need cash.” he says.  ((<< See?  I talked him into coming along swimming.  Go, me!))

Did I mention it snowed all day, yesterday?  But it was *just* hovering at that temperature where it didn’t stick.  It took until sunset to start settling on the ground, and while we have a powdered sugar dusting on everything, it’s not a lot of snow.  We take what we can get, at this point!

So I get to the auto shop.  I talk to the front desk person.  They call back to an ‘auto technician’.  And this man comes out…!  I’m so embarrassed today, but homiGOSH, he was beautiful.  Mostly I’m not attracted to other guys.  It’s always, “Smarmy.” or “Yuppie” or “Belligerent” or “Knows he’s pretty, so now he’s not”, or whatever.  Even actors… I’m mostly NOT attracted to actors.  I used to have a crush on Vincent D’onofrio, but then he went all suit for CSI: Something-stupid.  And I’ve had a minor crush for a while on Alfred Molina – he’s just amazing to observe.  But I’m not really impressed so much, mostly.

This guy, though…!!  Holy WoW.  I didn’t mean to stare.  I didn’t mean to totally lose my train of thought and probably sound like a total idiot.  I didn’t mean to, but he had THE most gorgeous beard I have ever seen in my entire life.  I was absolutely mesmerized.  It was amazing.  Anyhow, I have very dim recollections of what happened, other than that he fixed the front panel and took my name and number because the person with access to the files wasn’t in, and they needed to look at the notes on what damage was found and if it might’ve been near the condenser.

Okay, so maybe I listened more than I feel like I did?  I don’t know.  But I meant to stop and ask if my hair could be dyed to match my roots (SICK of dyeing hair, and there’s enough roots, now, to see the natural color).  Oh!  Ohohohoh!!  I didn’t tell you!  The other night Brian came in and I was brushing my hair, and talking about having enough roots, and he tipped my head down, started looking, and he found TWO silvery white strands.  I have TWO!!!  Woo-HOOO!!  I was so geeked I squeed!  ***Squee!!!***  TWO silver strands!!!  It’s all he could find, and believe me, the man is thorough!

I totally forgot about the salon stop until halfway home from the other side of the expressway, for pity’s sakes, because… so awesome beard…!!  Lydia was all, “Mom.  He wasn’t even hot.  He was old.”  (Everyone’s old to a 15yo, hello.)  “He had a pretty big ear piercing.” (He did?  I didn’t see that.  I was bemoaning the fact that he shaved his head… no hair, but SO awesome beard…!  Probably means he’s got tatts, too.  Too bad…!)  She rolled her eyes.  Brian just laughed and said he was gonna eye himself up some lifeguard girls, later.  I’m like, “You go do that, cradle robber.”  LoL!!!!

When we got home, there was a car in the driveway.  There are never cars in the driveway.  People don’t come to our house.  The last time anyone came over was New Years’, I think.  So that was kind of weird.  Turns out that it was the people who live on the other side of Hatfield – one of our packages got delivered to their house.  Have I mentioned that NOBODY knows where we live?  Even UPS can’t find us.  Usually they take packages to the other house on our street with the same number.  (Yes, there are two houses on our road with the same address, except the city is different.  UPS doesn’t quite recognize the difference.)  Mostly we go down and get our packages off their porch, where they leave them for us.  Brian went a few days ago (the package was four days late), but it wasn’t at the same-numbered house… which, btw, is very recognizable, because it has a cemetery for a back yard.  It used to be a church, a hundred or more years ago.

Anyhow.  He’d called, declared the package lost, and now the people two houses down show up with the package.  That was exciting, at any rate!  They have a girl Lydia’s age.  Her roots look seven times worse than mine… which, considering she’s around 15/16, that’s… ?!!!!!  Ooookay.

So then home time, critter time, get-ready-for-swim time… and when Brian’s home and changed, we’re off to the pool!  Except when we get there, the desk guy says that the heater went out in the pool, and it’s only 70-ish degrees, and falling.  They were having swim, but it would be the last day for a week or two, until it was fixed and re-heated.  !!!  My pool…!!!  If it had been just me, I would’ve swam, anyhow – I get so hot, working so hard.  But the skinny little boys I have can’t take the cold water – their lips turn blue as it is!  So… *sniff*… we didn’t swim.

Since we were in town, we decided to McD’s it (it was 6:30, anyhow, and you don’t know Lydia with her Monopoly pieces…!).  I hadn’t brought my purse, because I *HATE* disarming to go to the pool, and I *HATE* lugging around a purse, anyhow.  If I have Brian along, he can just handle things, no?  So I’d given him the $40 I got from the ATM for him (<< Dutiful wife!  😀 )  And let him handle everything.  Except ordering.  Getting seven people’s orders straight is a LOT for him, so I go up and order with/for him.  Usually I just have my purse, and he watches kids and I handle the peoples at the counter.  I dislike peoples, but Brian’s even worse with them than I am.

Anyhow, he pulls out his wallet… and his credit card is missing.  Turns out he got a check from side work, went to the ATM this morning to deposit it (WHY did I have to schlep all the way thru Sucky-town, then?!!?), and left his card in the ATM.  a-Gain.  This is the second time this winter, and the third card issue (remember the Florida hack that put his card out of commission, too?).  I’m exasperated.  Steel he’s a magician with, but he ain’t s’good with the plastic, apparently…?!  ((((O_o))))  I razzed him.  A lot.  Paybacks for razzing me about the guy at the auto shop.  (Can’t call it a body shop.  Today that makes me giggle.  :::Blush!:::)  I shouldn’t be ADMITTING all of this out loud, btw.  It’s ammo, isn’t it?

Anyhow, so home… and the kids (who had expected to get their energy out in the pool) were being SO naughty.  They were hollering and running in my house and standing on furniture, and I grabbed for Owen’s arm as he was flying past, and missed, and he bent my thumb (remember that thumb) back, and it went *POP*… and…  Have you ever seen ‘The Incredibles’?  It’s my favorite Disney movie.  Anyhow, there’s this scene where Mr. Incredible’s spine gets popped, and he goes, “Oh!  My back!”  And he’s all sore and in a bad way while fighting this machine, and it grabs him, crunches his back back into place, and he goes, “Ooh!  Hahahaha!”  Oh for pity’s sakes, it’s here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oK9oPk8bsvk

Well, apparently my stO_opid thumb has been out of joint for a MONTH… because when Owen popped it?  Holy relief!!  It’s back in place, thankthestarsaboveandtheOnewhomade’em!  It moves, now!  Without pain!  ((<<Okay, it’s sore.  Like the kind of sore that’s more exhaustion from hurting so dang long than sore.  But you know what I mean.))  It’s SO much better.  Brian was all (((O_o))), because I was all, ” *GAAAAAASP!*  OUUUUUUCCHHHHHwait!  Wait!  Hey…!  Look at this!!!  Yay!!!”  <<< Apparently I’m a hugely amusing wife?   He goes, “Now we just need to snap your back and get THAT fixed.”  <<< He is not a hugely amusing husband.  FYI.

Speaking of, that brings back a story from when I was… oh, 18-ish?  My back hurt.  And I saw how people would lay down, and have someone step gently on their back, and it would help?  So I (stO_opidly) asked my (extremely stO_opid) sister to step on my back and see if that would help.  Never do this.  She steps on – both feet – and STANDS on me.  I can’t breathe.  At all.  Not even to ask her to get the heck off.  She’s all, “La-ti-da… Hrm.  Hm.  Is it working?  Can I get off, now?”  And I’m DYING on the floor… had to roll and knock her off-balance to get away.  NEVER try that trick, btw.  It’s funny, as a story, but it really was NOT funny at the time.  (Although thirty seconds after I realized I’d been a serious dummy, I was laughing in a ball on my bedroom floor.  Naturally, my sister didn’t get it.)

Anyhow… what a day, huh?  It was definitely an adventure!!

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