____________ April 20, 2016 ___________

Front Row Skank Ho

Good morning!  The world here is in blossom.  The trees are flowering, there are tiny white blossoms all thru the woods, and the fields are absolutely gorgeous – all lavender with purple dead nettle.  It’s all through our garden, too – it looks like a blanket of purple was draped over the whole of the patches!  It’s really pretty.  And if this weather keeps up, I’ll need to mow, tomorrow night (<< kind of am thinking about it, anyhow.  Clean everything up a little.)

On a more personal level, though, I’m a MESS.  I scrapbooked yesterday until I felt like my gludious hiney was going to fall off.  Sitting that long is just hard, did you know that?!  Anyhow, I have just a little less than half to go, and then we can move on.  There are a dozen projects and cleaning goals to be reached… and I’ve got concerns.  I can’t ever time out Pesach correctly.  I’m terrible at it, to be honest.  Is it tomorrow?  Because I thought it was Friday.  I have no idea.  Drives me CRazy.

Tap class… has become seriously horrific.  No, I really mean it.  I thought we were just going to be tap dancing to ‘Mamma-Jamma’.  Ooooh, no.  The teachers are going to come out on stage while we’re there, and we go *right* into doing their dance with them.  Which is NOT tap-dancing, come to find out.  They dance RAUNCHY.  Not kidding.  I have to pelvic thrust, now.  NO, you are NOT allowed to laugh, this is *SERIOUSLY BAD*!!!!!  I’m absolutely mortified.  I’m not that kind of girl!!!

BFF says, “Meh, you’re an actress… just act sex-ay.”  UM…?!  Actually, I never took roles like that, for a reason.  Good Lord, they wnat us to grab my bra and yank the straps to hoist the girls!  On stage in front of gentlemen!  That’s SO WRONG!!!!  And there’s this absolutely tasteless move… it’s pretty much hands in the air, both legs hopping forward in some sort of cowboy stance – the ONLY thing propelling the human body is booty.  There’s a LOT of boom-boom-booty stuff, too.  Shakin’ it, shwangin it…  Y’know what?  I’m REALLY not liking tap dance.  Which isn’t exactly tap dance, anymore…  ((((((O_o)))))))

The teacher dance is going to be to ‘Brick House’ by the Commodores.  I wouldn’t recommend listening to it.  And I thought ‘Mamma Jamma’ was risque!  I’m now a skank ho.  No, no… I’m an in yo’ face, FRONT ROW, homiGAWSH-I’m-gonna-die-of-embarrassment, white-girls-cain’t-dance, booty ho.  THAT’S what I now am.  Because I can’t even hide behind other people on stage – I’m in the front row!   I don’t think I’m going to be able to share the video, you realize this, right?  As it is, I couldn’t stop BLUSHING in the class, all night, last night.  I’m going to spontaneously combust before we even take the stage.  This was a bad, BAD, BAD, BAD idea.

Maybe we’ll be raptured over Pesach (whenever the heck it happens to fall), and I won’t have to worry about it.  But knowing the good Lord – who, by the way, LOVES to put me in situations like this – He’ll delay just to laugh at my booty in a muumuu.

It’s exhausting, keeping up this level of abject horror.  For the record.   😛
Nevermind me.  I’m just over here, trying to work out what I ever did to deserve this…   😉

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1 Comment

  1. If you talk to the teacher there should be a way for you to dance off stage while the teachers are dancing on. We’ve had to do that for costume changes & one girl’s religious beliefs. It isn’t terribly hard to do just stand your ground about needing to not do their dance. If you must, play up to their ego – you wouldn’t want them to look bad etc. Good luck.

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