__________ May 18, 2016 __________

Last Class

Yesterday was THE stupidest appointment ever.  I went, spent 90% of the time in the waiting room (kids in the car, watching a movie), reading ‘REDBOOK’ magazines.  WHY do women read these things?  They’re stupid.  They have no taste in clothing, food, or interior furnishings, they feature stupid actresses that say nothing inspiring and are flaky as hell.  Am I just getting grumpy in my old age?  Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t inspiring – she neglects her children and sips vegan lattes while pretending to run a women’s business that doesn’t relate to the average median-income person.  NOBODY cares about ‘Goop’.  I’m serious. Zooey Duschenal is an airhead with nothing to contribute to the greater good, and I’m pretty sure nobody cares about Hillary Duff’s guilt for leaving her son with a nanny while she tries to re-jump start her lagging career.  I… It’s… just not a world I feel a part of, out there.

And then I’m called back to a room, sit and wait for the doc and her Indian assistant dude who is mostly just a statue, staring at me… just to have the derma-chick tell me that I look great (!?!) and don’t have to come back until next year.  Same thing as I’m doing now is what she advised I keep doing.  Wow, that was easy…!  And a total waste of time.

The fuel injector clean was even more TIME CONSUMING and tedious, but it (and the oil change) are done.  So my man should be happy with me, for at least that, right?  By the time we were done, the kids were STIR crazy, from being in the car almost four hours.  I also folded half the clothes in the bedroom, although I had an ulterior motive – I couldn’t find my tight capri bottoms (just the looser ones I wear to tap).  Needed the tight ones… and knew they were somewhere in that pile.  So I folded everything but kid clothes.  Hey, that’s something.  And I got a history activity post put together on the blog, backdated and linked to everyone/everything.  So that’s also good.  Aunt Barb and Uncle Bob came over while Lydia and I were on our way out the door, so they got to see my teal knee-highs and funky, flowery hat.  I have no idea what they think of me/us, but it’s probably questionable.

The dance studio is absolute pandemonium.  They’re using the blue room for costume storage, the green room is the photo staging room (where they assemble the groups to be photographed), and the back of the green/blue rooms is opened and partitioned off for pictures.  Meanwhile, on the other side of the studio (the bathrooms, lobby/waiting area, and office are in between), the two orange rooms are opened into one big dance space, and it’s crazy time…!!  They’re just running dance after dance after dance.

I saw BFF’s car there, and her girl in the orange room, but I couldn’t find BFF.  Because there were only three girls there for Lydia’s picture, the moment we showed up, the trio was whisked in and their photos were done in something like four minutes, I swear.  I’d wandered half the studio with Lydia, then the other half alone while she was being photographed, and I didn’t see BFF, anywhere.

My group wasn’t scheduled to dance until 8, and it was 7:15… so Lydia and I decided to get out of there (…THE PEOPLES…!!!) and go listen to music and work sudokus and chat in the car.  Next thing I know, BFF is walking towards us.  Apparently she was hanging out by the dumpster ((!??!??!)), watching the dance video.  No wonder I couldn’t find her!  Anyhow, she coaxed us inside, and it’s a good thing, because my gang started showing up at 7:30.  In costume.  It. Was. RIOTOUS…!!

We have saucy granny, who is in a tiara, big blonde wig, fur stole, and carrying a champagne glass.  We have church lady granny in a netted hat and baby blue dress.  We have vacation granny, in a visor and gaudy print top.  We have cat lady granny, schoolma’rm granny, punk rock granny, biker granny, disco granny… It’s pretty wild, I have to tell you.

The men were there, because apparently they’re now (NOW?!) being inserted into our dance.  I don’t like it.  They walk out right in front of us, and nobody is going to see our fine moves.  They have their OWN dance, hello!!  Anyhow, apparently word got out about our costumes, and one of the guys got a big afro wig and a pale green leisure suit (with suede shoes and the big lapels?) and… okay, it was funny.  He looked amazing.  So there’s that.

We did the dance four times.  I’m… torn.  You know that last improv move I didn’t know what to do with?  Well, the kids were watching previous dance videos (they are, all week – that’s what happens every recital week).  So I was watching Isaac’s dance from last year, and I thought, “surely I can do one of THOSE moves…!”  Then I saw one, and I pointed.  “THAT!  What is that?!  I want to do that!  Can you teach me that?”  Apparently it’s called a ‘coffee grinder’, and after falling on my backside twice in the kitchen, I’ve GOT it!  And I did it, last night, twice.

BUT…!  The lady behind me is doing the splits (Teisha).  The lady next to HER is doing something else on the floor.  And with the men out there, they’re just in my dance space, y’know?  Wanderin’ around, checkin’ the old ladies out.  (<<< ?!  WHY?!?!)  Anyhow, I’m thinking of dropping it.  Even though I’ve totally got it, even in spite of a muumuu to work around.  Even if it is shortened.  😛

Lydia videotaped both our dance and the man dance (they stay on stage and dance after us).  Then she did the unthinkable, and… [[[[[[[BLUSH!!!!]]]]]  Okay, you know I’m an idiot, right?  You have to know this, by now.  Anyhow, we’re standing on the side, and the guys are dancing, and I’ve got nervous energy, and so I was trying to do the guy dance ‘in the wings’, off to the side.  In my granny gear.  And LYDIA TAPED THIS.  I got to watch it last night, and apparently getting my granny on totally puts me in character, because I was… um… Y’know?  Nevermind!  I’m not sure it can even be described.  But I was trying to get the other ladies to do it, with me, and they were totally blowing me off in the video (which is also funny, but I didn’t notice, because mostly I was trying to imitate the guys, and watching them).  If I knew I looked like that, I would’ve STOPPED, I swear it!!!!  Brian was crying, he was laughing so hard.  Homigosh, *I’m* laughing so hard (<< just watched it, again).

Afterwards, they wanted to go to Taco Bell with us.  Which… um… Lydia’s in her costume, and has nothing to change to, but maybe if she puts my jacket on top and drapes her jacket over her lap…?  Then BFF’s girl starts inviting other girls/moms to come, too.  Whoops, we can’t go.  Lydia’s in her costume.  ((shhhh!!))  We’ll see you all on Friday, k?  😛  I just… we don’t do the peoples.  They can do the peoples.  I run and flee.  At the same time.

Tonight we go and get critter food.  Then we rush home, and I’ve been told I have to mow the lawn before we go away on vacation.  With as much rain as we’ve been getting, it *is* looking insanely large n’ lush.  So he’s got a point.  Looks like I’m mowing, tonight!  😀

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