´¯`•. April 17, 2017

Hello.  Wow, it’s been busy, around here.  I know that you already know about our huge Pesach cleaning blitz, but things haven’t slowed down in the least, since Passover.  It’s full-speed ahead, on every level!

Gravel.  We live on the front end of a 1/4 mile gravel drive.  A truck driver lives on the back end, and her daughter runs up and down the drive almost constantly.  Between the semi all winter and the big truck the girl drives…?  Our drive was sheer potholes.  I asked Brian to call someone to do the driveway for us last year (he didn’t follow thru), and so I asked him to again, this year.  Now that it’s particularly horrible.  Thursday he called me and said that in 40 minutes, a dump truck would come with ten yards of driveway gravel and open the back end, dropping it all the way down the parts we need to fix.  We’d just need to ‘spread’ it out.  Well, the dump truck came, but he said he couldn’t do what Brian was told he would do.  Instead?  He dumped ten YARDS of gravel at the opening of my driveway.

This picture is one cubic yard.  We had TEN of them, at the end of the driveway, in a big heap.  A half dump truck full.

Have Shovel, get Blisters.  I was pissed.  Because this Wednesday, another big semi-truck is coming – this time to deliver the very big, new machine (that I spent last weekend making room for in the barn).  Now if there’s ten yards of gravel sitting in the driveway?  No semi is getting through.  So Brian said, “Haul out the wheelbarrows!”  And I… am not doing well, as a result.  We work in twenty minute shifts, with breaks between, with me shoveling (the kids helping a little between runs), and the three bigger kids running wheelbarrows to the holes and back.  The two little kids stand on top of the pile and break up the pile and loosen the gravel, because it POURED two days straight on it, and packed it down into sludge.  It makes it so that I can actually get scoops free.  I shovel, and Brian tips out the loads and tamps it into holes.  I’ve shoveled at least seventy wheelbarrow loads in the past two days.  (They can’t be full – too heavy for the kids to wheel down to him, otherwise.)  It’s absolutely back-breaking (and remember – I’m a 43 yo woman with a herniated disk and severe scoliosis).  But no problem, honey.  I’ve got this.  I was so frustrated yesterday, I asked, “Would you ask your mother to do this?”  He said, “Of course not – she would NEVER shovel gravel.  But you’re tough, so it’s fine.”  !!!  I could cry, sometimes.  I don’t, but… *sigh!*  I don’t get paid enough, you realize this.

Honey Problems.   We had a fight this weekend.  No, not over the gravel… over his truck.  Brian made the comment that he had to get a tune-up for the truck before our trip to Illinois.  Keywords:  Before The Trip as in, he has every intention of cramming four [teen and pre-teen] boys into the back of a cab of a truck for a WEEK.  I lost it.  That is NOT FAIR, and it’s only because he puts the truck he wants before his kids.  They can’t do that!  I was livid.  And then got even madder when I tried to find out how much we had left on his truck loan, just so I could consider options and come to find out?  I’m not on the loan, so they won’t talk to me.  Now, dammit, I PAY THE BILL ON TIME, EVERY MONTH… and I’m not getting credit for that on my credit score?  What the hell?!?!  I’m pretty pissed off.  His credit, by the way, is great – and he’s never bothered making a payment on anything in the past twenty years.  My credit?  Isn’t near his, because he’s repeatedly NOT put me on the loans.  I was mad.  I was mad that he doesn’t take care of me, and even madder that he doesn’t take care of the kids.

Car Shopping, Redux.  I’d taken him shopping weeks ago.  Offered up all sorts of options: getting a smaller truck and an older Suburban (or whatever) to pull the camper.  Getting a nicer SUV for him to drive that would fit everyone.  He was naysayer about all ideas I offered, and I saw a sign that told me to back off and not push, just wait.  So I let it go… put it in his lap.  But he knew the trip was coming up.  But he doesn’t want to let go of HIS truck.  So yeah… we had a fight.

New Vehicle.  We got a new vehicle, this weekend.  It’s exactly what we need.  When he bought the truck, he knew that it wouldn’t fit us.  He knew that it wasn’t viable for our family.  He did it because he wanted it, period.  I was trying to be indulgent letting him choose what he wanted, but it always bites me in the ass, because his choices aren’t ever in our best interests, they’re in HIS best interests, and we suffer, as a result.  (ie., shoveling ten yards of gravel with children?)  Anyhow, we’ve got a new vehicle.  Now I need the truck gone, so that we can pay the loan, bring down the new loan, and I can breathe again.  (I don’t like ONE loan – we now have THREE.  I’m having heart palpitations, over here.)  But he says he needs it for moving machine parts, and it needs that tune up, and… well, it’s going to be a while.  Yay!  [Note sarcastic enthusiasm.]  I have issues.

Purple Paint.  The shutters and front door all got finished, this weekend.  It looks wonderful.  I just have to do the cellar doors, now, but Brian wants to pull them off to do it, so I’m stuck waiting.  I’m also hoping to talk him into helping me get a storm door on the house, soon.  We’ll see.  But the purple looks SO good – very dark plum rich and vibrant – not at all crazy.  I had no idea how dingy things looked until the paint job brightened up the whole world!

New Machine.  This week, Brian’s going to be gone, a lot, working on the new machine, prepping it for moving.  He stayed in town late on Shabbat to work on the machine, and we ended up meeting him there, and going thru the closed shop it’s sitting in.  It was crazy, seeing machines from all the way back in the 1950s.  It was like a throwback to the industrial era.  I got to see the new machine, too – it… it’s BIG.  No, really.  8’L x 8’W x 6’H… long.  It looks like a square space shuttle to me, but I’m weird and a girl, so there’s that.

Busy, Busy.  This week is insanity.  Again.  Tonight is the last night we have to move the rest of the gravel (about a quarter of the load is left, but it’s still a lot).  The machine is coming, so it HAS to be finished.  Tomorrow we have a field trip, pick up the new car, and then have to get Grandma’s trash and have a rehearsal in town.  Wednesday is Seuda Mosiach and the machine delivery (which will also mean we’ll need to empty the barn, during the day, to make room to move it in – the kids and I can handle that, I think).  Thursday is another homeschool event, and as a result of all of this?  We’re half-day schooling, this week.  There’s just not time.  We’ve got a ton of lapbooks, worksheets, and a few badges to work on to catch up, anyhow.  We’ll call it ‘transition back from Spring Break.  I’d worry, but we school year-round, so we’ll catch it up, and then some, later.

Weight Loss.  I’m going back to swimming.  Lydia’s going to run with me daily.  We’re doing the yoga videos together.  I’m hoping being bread-free this week will also help.  And I’m going to start weighing in, again.  I don’t know – maybe it’s the blisters, bruises, stiff muscles, and exhaustion, but I feel like I’m looking and becoming very old and unfit.  Something has to change.  If it’d just dry up a little, we could start hiking, again.  I need it.  Not that shoveling didn’t help, but still…

Anyhow.  I feel very cantankerous, at the moment.  It probably came through, right?  Sorry.  They aren’t all happy bouncies.  I’m just a little stressed, at the moment.  This, too, shall pass…?  I could totally go for a Wednesday rapture…

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