´¯`•. July 28, 2017

The Wedding Cleaner

Well, apparently when I hit the house, the hat was so happy to see me, it flung itself at me, and the deep, gruff construction worker’s voice came out.  Sorry about that.

Actually, the construction continues, but multiplied by six hundred thousand.  Not only is our road closed, but they’ve now taken two chunks out of my alternate route, and ripped up the entirety of Main Street in the town where Lydia takes driver’s ed.  I swear, I drive in Celtic Knot shapes, anymore.  To get anywhere, I must go literally miles and miles out of my way.  Is. Driving. Me. Crazy!!!!!!!!

Speaking of driving miles and miles out of my way, after driving to driver’s ed (muchly west of me, in another county), I had to drive to Hastings (very, VERY muchly southeast of me).  See, my sailboat has expired stickers on it.  From 2011.  Apparently that’s the last time I lent it to my sister, because I haven’t taken it out since Lydia was born.  Or I bought it, for that matter…?… I think it was my yellow one I took out before Lydia was born, and I bought this off my mom in 2003…?  That might be right.  Anyhow, it’s expired.  So I went to the nearest (Ha. Hahaha.  HAHAHAHAHA!!!) Secretary of State, in Hastings.  (Which, by the way, was where I swallowed my contact lens, if you recall.)

I didn’t get new stickers, though.  I was ’69’ and they’d just finished helping ’43’.  The place was PACKED with kids getting driver’s licenses.  Apparently this only happens in summer, now?  I don’t know, but I went to ACE Hardware while waiting, and we browsed the store (it’s a FUN store – all the old toys, a HUGE bike shop in the back, cake decorations, lawn oddities, a pizza-shaped blow-up water raft…) and when I got back, they were on ’46’.  That’s… not even funny.


Still no wind, anyhow.
Oh, hey… any boat less than 16′ doesn’t need stickers!  Yay!  😀  😀  😀

Last night Brian worked on jobs in the barn, while I cooked, and then we all watched ‘Everyone Says I Love You’.  I saw it when I was single and *FELL IN LOVE* with this movie.  My kids have never seen it, my partner doesn’t remember it… so I bought the VHS on Ebay, and last night we watched it.  It was as amazing as I remembered.  And more?!  There’s this song that I get stuck in my head all of the time, and for YEARS – we’re talking DECADES – I’ve been trying to figure out where I’d heard that song.  I thought maybe ‘Guys & Dolls’, because it was sung by a guy who was obviously NOT a singer… so maybe a high school kid in a spring play?  But that wasn’t it.  Then I thought maybe ‘The Pajama Game’, from a community theatre show.  But when I finally scored a copy, the song wasn’t in it.  Nope!  It’s in this movie!! 

I squealed with glee.  Repeatedly.

Well, that and where else can you see Edward Norton, Alan Alda, Goldie Hawn, Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts, Drew Barrymore, Eric Roth, and more – all of them singing and dancing.  Here’s a clip, in case you were interested.  You won’t be – it’s 1960’s style musical, done in 1995.  And it’s Woody Allen.  But it’s AMAZING – soooo fun.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-TstpodLKw  Not anything like a normal Woody Allen film.  Just fluff.  (Did I mention I squeed?)

My kids never know what to expect from me.  😉  Neither do you!

Although I have to ask you, now… just because curious minds want to know, of course:  can you sing?   My partner does NOT sing.  Ever.  He doesn’t hum, not even a whistle.  He doesn’t.  Ever.  I burst out in song every thirty seconds.  And it’s not off-key stuff, either – we’re talking ‘lead in musicals’ kinda singing.  Can’t help it.  My Lydia does the same thing.  Actually, she and I harmonize quite often.  Isaac and the boys sing some, but not as much as I wish they did.  Boys follow the Dad in most things.  (Yes, this is a BAD thing, for me.  We won’t talk about it.)  But I’z just curious.


Well, I did it. I listed the cats on Craigslist. Can’t. Take. Anymore. Vomiting. Hairballs. Or litter tracked through the house. Or cat logs kicked out of the pan and across the room by overzealous (and badly aimed) ‘burying’. No more howling. No more shedding. I want them GONE. And I promise you, I will never, ever, *EVER*, *E.V.E.R* again get a cat. Never. (Or a duck, but that’s a different story.)

I feel partially liberated! ((((deep sigh!))))
I’ll feel the rest of the way liberated when they’re GONE.

I had a weird dream last night.  But anyhow, in my dream, I was in my wedding gown on the beach, and the sun was setting, and it was *gorgeous*, and I was outside myself, looking at the ‘picture’ of it, and thinking, “Oh, I wish…!”  And I woke up thinking that I should have a photographer do the photos for us that we *would’ve* come away loving.  Maybe for our 25th?  I don’t know.  There’s no way in HADES I could fit in the dress, now… but I still have it.  Neither of us can fit our rings, but I still have them.

Then I got to thinking how much I still HAVE.  I have all of the bows from all of the shower gifts and wedding presents from our WEDDING.  I have things I’ve never opened, boxes of stuff that I’ll never use.  It. Has. To. Go.  So I got up at 6:14 am and started cleaning.  Brian was like, “What is WRONG with you, that you do this kind of WEIRD STUFF every time I turn around.  It’s six A.M., woman!  Go to bed!”  And I said, “There’s powered milk on this shelf that’s three years past the expiration date, you realize this, right?”  And I chucked it in the trash.

The cleaning frenzy paused for the trip to/from DriversEd, but then I was home, and packing stuff up to go to the thrift (or Aunt Barb’s garage sale), and I thought I’d start cleaning in the bathroom.  So I went thru the drawers and ditched old medicines and teeth betweeners from Lydia’s orthodontist days, and lipsticks I’ve had since 1994, and just CRAP… and as I was cleaning?

And envelope fell out from between some towels.  I was like, “What the…?!?!?!”  Until I saw that it was the $550 dollars that I thought I’d lost in that mailbox.  [Hyperventilation ensued, by the way.  Along with EXTREME elation!!!]  I will probably never know why it was tucked there, but there it was.  And I’m SOOOOO glad!!!  See?  It pays to be an anal freak cleaner.   😛

Lydia had to drive today.  Parallel park, too.  She aced it all – and that’s with a BOY driving as her car partner.  She said he was WAY nicer than the girls, and she’s dubbed him ‘Shia LeBouf’ (apparently he looks like him?  Only darker skinned, and with a man bun. Whatevs.  I’m just the Mom, my job is to go along with what doesn’t matter, right?)

Anyhow, that meant she was gone longer, so I dressed the boys and we went to pay the summer taxes!  YAY!!!  Then I took them to the ‘Everything’s A Dollar’ store, and we browsed and shopped and got some fun things.  Like pencil sharpeners with little capsules for the shavings to fall in.  (These things RAWK some kids’ worlds, I’ll have you know!!!)

We were supposed to go open Ethan’s account, but there wasn’t enough time for that AND to get back across the void to pick the girl up from DE (only an hour)… so instead we went for a scenic drive in the back woods, found our way to a do-it-yourself car wash place that I know of, and I had the boys TEAR the car apart so that I could clean the ever-lovin’ snot out of it.  We got all the crap, crud, rocks, pebbles, dirt clumps, hay, scrap papers… EVERYTHING out.  It’s *NICE*!  See?  It pays some more to be an anal freak cleaner!

Then I got gas, grabbed the girl, and drove to a car wash in a town I despise.  But it was central to the next three places I had to go.  And they *did* have a car wash there… but MAN, did their soap or water or building REEK!!!  GAH!  I felt dirtier going thru the car wash than driving my soily car!  BLECH!!!  Never going there, again.  (The kids warned me.  That town is bad, Mom.  Even the car wash.)  So we ska-doodled out of that hell on earth as fast as possible, and to the bank.

Ethan is now the owner of a SAVINGS ACCOUNT, into which $20 will be deposited bi-weekly.  YaYYY!!!   And I had to catch him up – his birthday was in June, so he should have $80 in there, by now… and he does.  YAYYYY!  Except the little ones were TOTALLY losing it, in the bank.  Had to send them out with Isaac.  (Not Lydia – she had to be there to withdraw $200 for her computer, $80 of which went to Ethan.)  YAY!!!

AND her computer came home, yesterday.  They’d kept it to transfer her hard drive stuff from the old one to the new one, and to install Windows Office and everything on it.  It’s a Windows TEN – jump back!  She’s geeked.  Last night, ALL the boys were huddled around here, ooh-ing and aah-ing over the crazy looking system.  SO awesome.

There was WIND this afternoon… while I was driving around.  But it’s gone, now.  Good night, how can I sail if there’s no wind?!  Brian says it’s going to rain, tomorrow.  Maybe wind’ll blow in with that?  One can hope!

You were kidding about your imaginary friend Bob, right?  Right?  Cuz… that was kinda skeery.

There was something… OH!  Back to the dream.  So I was thinking that for the 25th (should I still be here, of course), we should do a photographer.  Except I’m 200+ lbs chubby (and you did NOT just read that.  Capishe?)… so I have FIVE YEARS to lose a ton of weight.  I talked to Ethan, today, and he’s going to Couch-to-5K with me, he says.  I could go for that!  He’s a sweet kid.  Let’s just hope he can motivate me, yes?  Because I look in the mirror, and… just NO.  N. O.

Anyhow, I’d better go.  Yet again, I’ve talked your EAR off.
It’s everyday, you know this, right?  Everyday.  Something else.


((shakes head))

Anyhooooooooo…  I should go.  I told the kids I’d scrapbook on the deck, and I still haven’t made it out there.  And it’s FIVE!  (← my time).  I gots t’go.

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