´¯`•. August 13, 2017

Good Morning. I have no idea what to write about today, because frankly I’ve been… angsty, lately.  Like I have no time left and I’m trying to fit too much into it.  I hate that feeling.  It’s not the ‘urgent’ feeling of Elul/feasts pending, but more of a ‘there’s no TIME’ feeling.  Like one lifetime is just too short, and I’m not fitting enough into it.  But then I wonder… if I did fit more into it, would I feel the same way?  I’m not sure.

Vaudeville Bill.  As an example of my problems, we were going to see Vaudeville Bill Thursday night… as the last library event of our summer.  Now KDLBC events are always Wednesdays at 6:30, and KDLGV events are always Thursdays at 7, and my calendar said, “Vaudeville Bill” on a Thursday square.  So I drove us to KDLGV, got there at 6:30… and nobody’s setting up.  Nothing’s going on.  Uh-oh.  So I check their computers, and it’s at KDLBC… on the wrong day!!!  Brian goes, “Well, we missed it.”  And I got panicked.  I… I can’t miss life!!!  I can’t write it off and just say ‘screw it’.  I can’t.  So I told everyone to run for the car, we flew across town, got there ten minutes late, but got to see a pretty fun/interesting show.

Anna vs. the World.  But it’s like that.  I feel like my family doesn’t care… they don’t have enthusiasm or desire or determination.  These are GOOD qualities that I don’t know how to instill, apparently.  I’m cheerleader for a family of seven, and it’s like I’m fighting against them, in some sort of losing battle, because they aren’t working with me.  And it’s exhausting.  And if I don’t?  I lose.  I don’t get to experience things, see acts, visit places.  It’s DRIVING me CRAZY.

Sleeping Bear.  I think a week or so ago I griped (hate griping) about how Brian had (in February) said that – instead of camping three times at the same place like we usually do – we could take more little 3-day weekend trips and go to different places.  I was EXCITED.  I need to never get excited when Brian makes plans.  Because come the end of July, we’d gone NOWHERE…. he’d cancelled every 3-day trip I slated for us on the calendar.  And I was crying, inside… because I felt like I’d been let down, lied to, gypped.  One of the places was Sleeping Bear dunes.  And the historic villages, trading posts, and other things there that we’d need to visit to get our badge were only open Memorial Day to Labor Day.  So I have a tiny window left to work in… and it’s PACKED up there, this time of year.  It’s also now August – and the sand is going to be BURNING.  And the crowds are having a last summer hurrah, so it’s going to bee too much.  And still I was trying to work it out… and it just wasn’t happening.  Do you see what I mean about feeling on my own?  He needs a weekend or six for his machining?  No problem.  Anna’s weekend to go away comes up?  Well… do we HAVE to?  It’s a long way to go, and it’s been a busy week, and…  and…. And then I feel guilty for making people do for me.  Like I’m greedy for desiring anything at all, and even worse for feeling let down.  Suck it up, girl.  You’re just too demanding, that’s all.  Right?  And then I feel bad for being demanding.  I swear, I’m a horrible person.

Junior Rangering.  I’ve found out that there are a whole bunch of Junior Ranger badges that can be done by printing off the booklets from the internet, doing them as a family, and sending them in .  Some of these are because they’re places people can’t get to, easily (ie. American Samoa, World Heritage Site), some are because they cover TONS of states (Lewis & Clark, Underground Railroad), or are about a place impossible to visit. (Clara Barton, Underwater Exploration, , Night Skies).  There’s also a booklet out for the eclipse!  So I’m hoping to ‘ease out’ of this school year with some of these activities.  The PROBLEM is that they books are color intensive – they suck my printer dry.  Still working on the printing part of things…

Driving Diva.  I’ve had Lydia on the road every day for an average of 40 minutes, since Monday morning (when we went down and got her permit – on her birthday!!!).  The first day, she about gave me a heart attack.  What’s that? You want the story? Okay, so there’s this girl who got her permit, and I handed her the keys and said, “Here. Drive us home.” And she said, “We’re going to Dorr.” So I said, “Here. Drive us to Dorr.” Which (from Hastings the DMV) is pretty durn far. A good first drive NOT in a driver’s ed toaster oven. Well, it wasn’t too bad until we tried to get on US131 (main highway). It was a downhill ramp from the top of this hill down onto the expressway below. NO GUARD RAIL. You either went straight over the bridge to Hopkins, or you turned and got on the expressway ramp.

L ydia decided to split the difference. We were turning, but *not* enough. And that grassy embankment down to 131 was STEEP. It was slo-mo, I swear it. And I started hyperventilating and going, “Homigosh, Homigosh, ohhhhh. Ohhhh!” And I’m not sure if she was daydreaming or not paying attention or what, but she sort of came back to herself and BLESSEDLY turned that steering wheel, and we were saved.

You know, when I went to that parent meeting, and the Driver’s Ed teacher said, “You’re going to hand the keys to your kid, and then you’re going to have a heart attack in the passenger’s seat”…? I thought he was talking about the dumb-butts in the back of the class. Or the jocks who weren’t paying attention to anything. I thought my ‘honor student’ (← pretty much) would be just fine.

FIRST DRIVE with her, and I about lost it. No, seriously, that scared the ever lovin’ CRAP out of me!!!!!!!!

Scheduling, Swim, and Stuff.  I’m trying to figure out a way/place to go swimming this fall in Lansing while waiting for Lydia to do her college.  See, it looks like we’ll be in Lansing Monday and Wednesdays, and then she has dance Tuesdays.  If I tack a swim night onto that?  There’s no TIME.  So I thought if I could find a YMCA or club or even a HS with a swimming pool in Lansing, I could drop her off, take the boys swimming, and kill two birds with one stone.  I joined a few Lansing homeschool groups, to see if they would give me ideas of things to do/see in that area.  But MAN… nobody puts schedules up until the last minute.  All of the pools and fitness websites still have the schedules from May-July.  C’mon… some of us have to PLAN things…!!  Oh, and speaking of scheduling, I’ve put together an Excel .xls to keep track of her driving, because she’s kinda not.  And using maps to get the times/mileage.  (And on top of this, I’m wondering if we could/should get the girl a part-time job, during the day, for a few hours.  We’ll see.)

I’m almost half-hoping this IS the year to be raptured.  Because I’m juggling SO MUCH, just now.  It feels incredibly harried and frustrating and overwhelming!!

Silly Owen: 
Brian: Owen, did you brush your teeth?
Owen: I don’t remember.
Brian: Then go brush your teeth.
Owen: (runs to the bathroom)
Owen: (immediately runs out of the bathroom)
Brian: Owen! That was too fast!
Owen: I brushed them earlier. Lydia reminded me!
Aaron: (walks up next to Owen)
Owen: And how many lips do YOU have?!

Anyhooo… There’s lots more I could say, but this is long.  And I feel like I got too emo in the middle of it.  I’m a horrible person, being emo all over everyone, all the time.  In addition, I’m kind of feeling down about being SO out of shape (←nobody’s wanted to hike with me, this summer, and I got tired of trying to force them to), and… stuff.  Just stuff.   Next week’ll be better, right?  I hope?

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